Just For Gags…

Africa is one beautiful,  enchanting and diverse continent. That’s a lot of colours in the various cultures and traditions; a lot of romp and pomp in our festivities and not to forget the carefully prepared, parotid-inducing, jaw-dropping delicacies prepared to graze our palates.
If you’ve ever been to a party before (and i mean our Nigerian parties), you’d notice the varieties of things people do. Right now, I’m not all about the invited. The cooks we hire, take some time to check them out. When they’re about to chow, they grab a stool, take some food (rice especially) and their fingers start working their ways between the grains of rice and their gob. Well maybe this is due to the fact that as Africans, we believe the hand is nature’s cutlery. I still don’t know how to eat rice with my fingers after successive attempts though. I wonder how I’d learn to use chopsticks then (I’m not giving up). Je suis Nigerienne, so why not? 

Recently, I was fortunate to have attended a conference and I couldn’t help but notice a few things especially how people devoured their meals,  relishing every bit of it. Their mouth movements and tongue actions provided a fantastic scenery for one with a purpose such as mine (God help me). You see, I’ve been looking to find an avenue to observe this but I almost always found my position too revealing. But here, my partially enclosed space was perfect. No one was there to question my antics so I was fine (freedom at last!).

Most of the time, except you grill your chicken/turkey at home or you get at eateries, if you’re being supplied food for an event, the topping is super fried and I mean super fried be it fish, beef or chicken. You know, super fried is cool if you want to eat one piece endlessly but to think that this is served at official functions, these people are impossible.  An average Nigerian would reveal his posh side when he’s at functions like that. On top of the extensively fried “animal”, they’d gift you fork and knife (instead of a bowl of water, in my opinion). 

Now back to our conference. These two elderly men were served, what was it again! , rice with our nicely fried chicken and every other condiment a person could possibly want. Beside their plates were carefully arranged cutleries. They grabbed their forks and knives and started munching. I was lazily tapping away on my phone, giving them absolutely minute attention until I heard two things; the sounds their mouths were making (don’t judge me) and the noisily insistent sounds their forks and knives were making with the delicate ceramic. I took 5 minutes to watch them battle with the “chicken” in question. They used some monstrous energy trying to cut this pieces that I sat in wonderment, mouth agape. “Why stress yourself this much when you can use your hands”, I thought to myself and to think that 65% of this would reside in the trash was disturbing. 

Eons later(exaggerated), they finished up, tidied themselves and left. The leftover chicken still on the plates. Life is a never ending series, you watch new episodes everyday. As for me though, after carefully noting the absence of people,  I tore at my chicken like a famished canivore. Wicked hunh, yeah😆.

PS: This was just to provide for a nice read and not to insult anyone in the process.

Another PS: It doesn’t necessarily have to be funny.

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83 thoughts on “Just For Gags…

  1. I am from India and have been faced with similar dilemma too many times! At really posh places they’d serve you butter chicken and expect you to use cutlery! Although I manage, but deep down I wanna rip at it with my hands!! So much fun reading this 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bonjour ou bonsoir

    Ce jour au soir deux étoiles

    Vont tomber du ciel

    Une sera remplit de sagesse

    L’autre sera chargé de tendresse

    Au loin dans le ciel une brille , celle de notre pacte d’amitié

    Je te souhaite une merveilleuse journée ou soirée

    Tiens au passage je te chante une mélodie , celle de mon cœur

    Bisous , Bernard

    Like

  3. Ive never had Nigerian food, but Ive had Ghanian food, and its bomb. I used to be a huge finger eater, and “scrape my plate with mouth” eater, but I got shamed into eating more “properly”. I definitely think that eating super civilized is inefficient. This post was hilarious. Thanks for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

  4. And have you seen people eating amala or other solid foods with fork?I just can’t understand the idea.Our people want to totally adopt the European ways.Using cutleries for rice is still understandable!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Sometimes our decision to leave our body and live like someone else shows our lack of acceptance. What is wrong in using hands to eat? Many cultures eat with hand and are proud of it. Watch Indians eat rice with the various curries of theirs and you willfeel like eating. Sometimes Nigerians want to project a picture of being sophisticated( not that they are not) but if take the man out of his culture, can you take the culture out of him?

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Hahhahaha is there any particular reason why the chicken is super fried? I am a Cameroonian with lots of Nigerian friends and I often wonder why the chicken they serve with the iconic jellof rice is always super fried

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I don’t think there are any solid reasons.
      Frying is a means of preserving stuffs like that so I guess they extensively fry it so that if it remains, it can stay for a longer time.
      Some others just fry to stupor for the sake of frying.
      Some think it’s tastier when it’s super fried.
      Irrespective of the reason, they cook, we eat. Period. Haha.

      Like

  7. The art of eating with your hands has been grossly underappreciated. it is actually quite useful in several instances. it allows one to taste food with all the senses for one. You will never gulp down hot food. and most importantly you will always know exactly how much exercise your teeth will getting with that bite! i love eating with my hand. In fact, being an Indian, most of the cuisine makes it imperative to do so! After all you can’t be expected to cut through a roti (unleavened bread) with fork and knife! But i must confess that when it comes to rice i am most definitely a cutlery fan! i just dont like all that messiness! i like that you took out time to do something that would have been considered so socially impolite…at least your curiosity is satisfied (and i dont think you’ll be tempted to engage in it again!) 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  8. You know this. Is there any way better than to dug in and eat that chicken like you mean it? Lol but yh if you don’t know how to use cutlery to eat meat, I suggest you put away shame and dig in because you are just going to wast more than half the meat and render it inedible. The moment you get served, call the attention of the server ask for it to be removed or for wipes or water so you can polish it off lol.

    Liked by 2 people

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